So, if you haven't heard our big news, here it is: we are expecting our second child! We are very excited and thankful to God for another little blessing on the way. :) I want to share the story of us finding out this baby is on the way, because it is WILD and nearly qualifies me to be featured on the TV show "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant."
Sometime in early/mid- February, I wondered if I might be pregnant, but mostly ignored those thoughts. I was nursing Laurel, but had been cutting back on how many times a day she nursed as she began to eat more solid foods and [eventually] drink cow's milk. I felt like I was getting a bit of a "pooch," and realized I had gained a few pounds, but again attributed that to nursing less often and therefore burning less calories that way.
By February 20, I couldn't deny that SOMETHING was going on in my abdomen: when I laid flat on my back, I could feel a lump in my belly. I woke up that morning and couldn't get the thought of pregnancy out of my head. So finally, after laying awake in bed for a while, when Jeremy's alarm went off, I told him my suspicions. "We have a pregnancy test in the bathroom. Why don't you just take it and see?" I hesitated and it was quiet for a minute. "Now you've got me wondering, too!" he said. So I got up, got the test, and as I went into the bathroom, told my husband, "I'm SURE I'm not, but I'll just take it anyway."
(Famous last words, right?)
Instantly the test displayed a plus sign. "Babe..." I said in disbelief, "It says positive!" So there we were, six days away from our daughter's first birthday and surprised to find out a new blessing was on the way! Later that day, I called my sister and told her the news. I also went to the doctor and confirmed my pregnancy with her office, and then met with the insurance/finance people to make plans for becoming a patient there (no, I hadn't yet found an OB since we moved here in June). At the doctor's office, they asked me how far along I thought I was, and I had to tell them I really had NO IDEA. Without giving TMI, because of nursing, I never had a cycle. So when I was asked for the first day of my last menstrual period, I had to tell them "April 20, 2010," which was before my pregnancy with Laurel, and -as it turns out- is not at all helpful in dating this pregnancy!
They scheduled a dating ultrasound with my doctor's nurse practitioner for Wednesday, February 29. Jeremy and I had a few days to digest our news and try to estimate how far along we thought I might be...we were thinking maybe 8 weeks or so. Almost all of our immediate family members came into town the weekend of February 25th for Laurel's first birthday party, and we thought about telling everyone then. We decided against it, though, since we didn't know how far along I was and wanted to wait until we could tell them the due date.
So Laurel's birthday weekend came and went (and my sister freaked me out when she pulled me aside and said, "I can see your bump!" as I was already self-conscious that I was noticeably showing!). We enjoyed the weekend so much; I may have even been distracted from constant thoughts of my new pregnancy for a little while! Pretty much every single morning since I took the pregnancy test on February 20th, I have been waking up in the middle of the night or very early in the morning with 1,000 thoughts whirling through my head. I was just SO CURIOUS to determine an actual due date and figure out how far along I was, how close in age our children would be, how long we had to get ready for the new baby's arrival, etc. I also thought I was hallucinating, because I thought I was feeling movement in my belly. I told Jeremy that it must be in my head, that my mind was playing tricks on me just because I knew I was pregnant. I also had a panicking thought that I might show up to the ultrasound and find out I was 18 weeks along and that they would tell me our baby's gender! (These are the things, among others, that were waking me up in the middle of the night. :)
Finally Wednesday arrived: ultrasound day! The nurse practitioner was very sweet and was willing to let me hold Laurel during the exam and ultrasound (I didn't try to find a babysitter because no one knew I was pregnant and I didn't want to have to make up a story about why I was going to the doctor!).
Side note: has anyone else ever had a scared-of-the-dark, teething, fussy one-year-old sitting on your belly while an ultrasound was performed? No? Just me? Okay.
Anyway, the nurse practitioner began with what I'll call an "early pregnancy" ultrasound. As soon as she got a view on her screen she said, "Oh, you're farther along than you think you are!" I asked what that meant and if she could tell how many weeks. She said she might need to do the other ("later in pregnancy") kind of ultrasound to figure that out, as my baby was too big for her to see everything on the screen. "So what does that mean? Am I more than 10 weeks or so?" She smiled and said I was more than 14.
I was very surprised to discover I had somehow made it through my entire first trimester without knowing I was pregnant. My head was spinning and I kept thinking, "What?! How is that possible? Do I not know my body at all?!" Then it was on to the second ultrasound (Laurel got to sit next to me on the bed for that one, as they needed access to my belly for goo application and use of the ultrasound wand).
The NP wanted to make sure I understood that she didn't do this type of ultrasound regularly, and that I would need to schedule ANOTHER dating ultrasound with radiology or OB radiology to get an official due date. I looked at my new baby on the screen and was AMAZED. I could see the spinal cord, the beating heart, long, folded limbs-- this was no first trimester baby, that's for sure!! The NP hoped she could give me some sort of ballpark figure of how far along I was, so she took a measurement of the baby's femur. (That is an accurate way to date a pregnancy, especially during the first 20 weeks of pregnancy.) I asked her how far along she thought I was. "By my measurement, you're 20 weeks." I looked at her in shock and said, "You have GOT to be kidding me!"
Pregnancy is estimated to be 40 weeks, so 20 weeks means this woman was telling me I am HALFWAY though my pregnancy. HALF. As in 4 and 1/2 months pregnant and due this summer! My mind was blown. I couldn't even think to ask if everything looked okay or if the measurements looked good...or to inquire about the gender, as 20 weeks is far enough along to be able to determine that! When the NP left the room following the ultrasound, I sent Jeremy a text saying, "Please call me ASAP!! My mind is BLOWN."
I attempted to schedule the second dating ultrasound, but was told that someone would be giving me a call about that in the next day or two. Laurel and I found a family restroom where we could collect ourselves for a few minutes before I had to report to the lab downstairs for blood work, etc. That's when the reality and the guilt hit me. OVERWHELMED me, I should say. I was mad at myself for not realizing I was pregnant..."I should have weaned Laurel months ago! There is no way I have been eating enough calories or getting enough nutrients for a growing fetus AND a nursing baby! How could I not realize this before now? How in the world am I going to mother a newborn AND a 16-month-old? I haven't been celebrating this new baby-- I haven't taken belly pictures or shared the news or been praying for the baby's health and safety and protection!" And on and on. Poor Laurel was crying right along with me in the bathroom, but after a little while, we both settled down, took care of the lab work that was needed, and headed home.
Over the next several days, we called our parents, grandparents, siblings, some friends, etc. It was fun to share the news with loved ones, and it definitely helped me feel more excited and less shocked! Everyone was excited for us and encouraging about the situation, which was great for me, as I continued to revisit thoughts of our being "irresponsible," not celebrating this baby from the beginning, and so on. Sweet Jeremy has been excited since the day we found out! I don't think he's struggled with the surprise aspect as much as I have...probably because he isn't the one who was pregnant for 4 1/2 months without knowing it! When I confessed to him that I felt kind of irresponsible not knowing the due date, he said, "What is irresponsible about that? We've been married for 5 years, we're almost 30, we want to have more children...you are not irresponsible!" I know he's right, and I am so thankful for his encouragement and perspective. I am just such a planner...I think I feel guilt over not having planned on having a baby this summer!
On Monday, March 5, Jeremy, Laurel and I went back to the hospital to have another ultrasound done in the radiology department. I am happy to report that our little growing baby looks healthy and normal, and that all 3 of us got to share in the experience of seeing her kick, squirm, suck her fingers, and scratch her nose on the ultrasound screen! And yes, we are having another girl, which will be so fun-- two little girls growing up together, doing the sister thing! :) My measurements with the I-do-this-multiple-times-a-day-everyday sonographer were just a few days behind where the NP thought I was (sonographer says I hit the 20-week mark this past Saturday), and my "official" due date is July 21, 2012.
So, that's our story! God is in control and I know He has a lot to teach our family (and especially me) through all of this. We are thankful and happy and excited, and even when I have my moments of shock or guilt or disbelief from time to time, I trust His plan and His timing. He is already providing and caring for our new daughter, just as He has all along and will continue to do. I am also so grateful to have a husband who is so steady as I am up, down, and all over the place! The Lord knew what He was doing when He gave me Jeremy, and He certainly knows what He's doing in all of this, too. Jeremy and I can't wait to see how rich life with 2 little girls will be...ready or not, here we go!
